Turning 50 (a few years back now) was as they say, a “defining moment”. Apparently the phrase “defining moment” has become something of a buzz word these days so I’ll toss it in to show I’m hip to the latest psycho babble lingo.  But, I’ll be honest and say that it is better labeled a “traumatic moment” (mark my words next year everyone will be using this phrase, feel free to use it now to get ahead of all your friends), that should hardly qualify as anything to do with “momentariness” (yes that is a word). 

In my mind, more time had now passed than the time I had left ahead.  The balance had shifted, the scales tipped, the pendulum had swung… I was on the other side.. . the downhill side.  That was a very unsettling realization.  I found little comfort in the notion that I was not alone in this.  Please, please let me be alone in my misery!  Why, oh why does misery love company?  Youthful idealism and pipe dreams of what I could become or what I could do in reality would never be.  You are who you are.

Now if that sounds like a pessimistic view of life, well… as I said you are who you are.  I am who I am.  Fortunately a bit of wisdom seeps into consciousness at middle-age like it or not, a bonus given us for making it this far I suppose.  On occasion, if we are lucky, a glint of clear thinking pops into awareness, a reminder that we can toss that bit of wisdom our own way once in awhile instead of pushing it on others.  Better write it down though before it slips away like that shrunken sliver of soap in the morning shower.  Don’t let it go the way of your bank card PIN, “ok… was the six after the seven zero or… the other way around?”.  Grab it, squeeze it, follow it around… see where it goes. 

In a clear thinking moment the word “reinvention” popped into my head recently.  Robert Plant made me think of it, yes Robert Plant, the guy who belted: “Communication breakdown, It’s always the same, I’m having a nervous breakdown, Drive me insane!” .. yeah that guy.  He is on the other side too but even farther over than me.  Guys like him have it reversed however, they already did it all way back at the beginning when they were in their late teens and twenties.  Can you imagine? Me, I’m still looking for that edge, that hook to hang my hat on. 

Today the NY Times had an article about male mid-life crisis (how they keep reading my mind I’ll never know) with the very catchy title “Crisis? Maybe he is a Narcissistic Jerk”.  As you might guess the gist is that us mid-lifers are just a bunch of big babies who won’t grow-up.  We are ungrateful for what we have or have done, looking to find that last bit of excitement in all the wrong places.  Big baby, ungrateful, narcissistic… I finished the article thankful they weren’t talking about me since I failed to meet the “excitement in wrong places” criteria.  Whew… that was a close one!

Back to Mr Plant, I’ll call him Bob (on the other side we are all on a first name basis).  Bob has just re-invented himself by releasing a lovely CD, I’ll call it an album, “Raising Sand” with Alison Krauss, I’ll call her a folk singer but keep in mind she is also known for blue grass.  It is a total departure for his previous works and a marvelous shift in who he is as a singer.  From ditties like Your Long Journey to the Everly Brothers Gone Gone Gone Bob has in a sense “re-invented himself” with this album with the folk singer.  Can’t you see him sitting there with Oprah talking (is that a tear I see in her eye?) about how the album with the folksinger was a beautiful “defining moment”, joined shortly thereafter on the couch by Dr. So And-So touting his new book: “Re-inventing the American Male”.

I’m getting the jump on them… Stay tuned.

Next week in the NY Times: “Crisis Averted, Narcissistic Jerks Re-inventing Themselves”

Note to self:  pick up the three shrunken slivers of soap off the shower floor in the morning and throw them away. 

Operatic singing is so much more than making a pleasing sound with the voice.  One can certainly appreciate “good singing” in any performance.  To fill a an enormous theater with the sound of the unamplified human voice is an extraordinary talent.  To bring complexity and emotion to a performance at the same time is truly a gift.  The same is true with the other factors in particular the conductor.  While it can appear that the conductor is simply moving the music forward, in truth it is the conductor that determines the entire “mood” of the listening experience, working in essence at a “meta level” with flow and nuance.  For those of us with the untrained ear this goes unnoticed, there is just too much information coming at us to perceive things.  Listening to different performances helps but I still find it hard.  In the end if you like a performance then the conductor did his job right I suppose.

Last opera season I had the good fortune to see Verdi’s Macbeth at Seattle Opera.  It was a marvelous production that left me wanting more so I went again a couple of days later.  Several primary cast members were different in the second performance (Silver Cast), in particular Lady Macbeth.  In the first production Andrea Gruber played Lady Macbeth, the second Elena Zelenskaya.  Ms Gruber was Lady Macbeth with a psychotic edge.  Her singing and acting reflected the crazy emotional and mental state of this key character.  Ms Zelenskaya played her, for lack of better description straight, there was little sense of the madness that envelopes her as the story moves.  Her singing was very good, solid, pleasant, but it lacked that edge that added another, and perhaps proper, dimension to the character.  This experience was a breakthrough for me.  Here was a clear example of how two very different interpretations and performances can affect the feel of an entire opera.

Unfortunately one only sees live performances a handful of times in a year thus the recorded medium becomes our ongoing opera connection.  For the fledgling opera lover like me the clean sound of contemporary studio recordings often are the ones I’m drawn to first.  They are pleasing to the ear and often become the “standard” by which we evaluate all other versions.

With the advent of modern digital recording technologies we find many older releases restored and remastered.  In moving in this direction you depart from the “pristine” sound of modern recordings to a much rougher sound, particularly with live recordings, where the sounds of stage movements, audience, and uneven vocal volume of singers are all part of the mix.  For the new listener this can be a distraction and a temptation to dismiss such records.  But it is here that on occasion one finds a “musical gem” that rewards the patient and discerning listener’s ear.  Not only does one sometimes get to hear an extraordinary singing performance but in the bigger picture finds a new dimension to a character and connection to the opera. 

An example: In preparation for an upcoming performance of Mozart’s Don Giovanni I have been listening to this 1959 recording featuring some major opera heavyweights in their prime including Joan Sutherland, Elizabeth Schwarzkopf, Luigi Alva among others.  It is perhaps the standard to measure others by, it is that good.  How fortunate I am to have an opera mentor and friend, Gregory, who seems to have every known recording of opera ever made to draw upon.  After a number of weeks of listening to the above version he loans me the fabulous 1956 recording featuring the likes of Cesare Siepi, Fernando Corena, Lisa Della Casa, conductor Dimitri Mitropoulos among other notables of the era.  It is live mono recording with stage noise, audience applause and all but, what a performace of this popular opera, wow!  Listen to Leopold Simoneau’s singing of ‘Dalla sua pace’ at the end of Act 1 Scene III.  Listen to the same aria by Luigi Alva on the Sutherland recording; very fine also but different.  It can be a subtle thing that I can’t quite find the proper words to describe, perhaps you get the idea.

Of course, not everyone is as lucky as me to have a ready supply of opera recordings at my beckon call but a visit to the local library may be a worthwhile adventure to explore other versions of a favorite opera.  Snooping around on Amazon.com can be very helpful as well since there are plenty of music samples to preview.  A little experimentation and venturing beyond the usuals has its rewards for those truly interested in learning more about this rich musical form. 

About a year ago I pulled out my old Phillips 212 turntable purchased for me by my dad back in 1973.  At the time it was a classy piece ($250) of equipment that I was thrilled to add to my simple stereo setup.  Back then, a “stereo system” was perhaps the most prized and expensive possession one owned.  Other components of my system have changed over the years but the 212 has always tagged along and kept pace, I’ve hauled it all over the country.  The last time I used it was probably ten or more years ago.  I recently discovered that the 30+ year old drive belt had finally disintegrated but was able to find a replacement belt online. Last week I put it all together and hooked it into my system with the intent of ripping some of my favorite LPs to mp3 for my IPOD.

Fortunately I was always very fastidious about my records taking care not to scratch or leaving them with finger prints and dirt on them.  There is nothing worse that trying to listen to a song with hisses and pops or even big skips.  Oh, that horrible feeling when you hear “errruppp!!!” as the needle scrapes across the record surface when started by a careless hand. 

Flipping through my collection is like a stroll down memory lane. I have the Doors “Strange Days” album, the first album I ever heard in stereo. I was at my grandparent’s house and I brought it along to play on my grandfather’s stereo which was much better then my parent’s mono HiFi.  I’ll never forget sitting with the headphones on hearing stereo separation for the first time, it was an extraordinary discovery.  I have my original collection (minus the Vee Jay release worth hundreds that my mother probably sold for a quarter in a garage sale) of Beatles albums and many other old favorites in their original releases.

The first album I set spinning was side one of ”All Things Must Pass ” George Harrison’s first solo album.  Fabulous, what a collection of wonderful material.  Next I pulled out Emerson Lake and Palmer’s ”Tarkus”; what a wall of sound, talk about stereo separation!  Next out came Four Way Street”Four Way Street a terrific live recording of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young from the summer of 1970. 
And next the 1964 debut album of Jesse Colin Young “Soul of A City Boy”.

Of course, after playing a few one realizes the labor involved in the process: carefully removing the record from the sleeve, cleaning the disk, gently applying the tone arm and needle to the spinning surface, turning it over after 20+ minutes.  I’m reminded of enthusiasm we all had with the coming of CDs.  Yet, the ease and portability of the CD and now the Mp3 can’t diminish the joy and memories associated with two old friends the LP and my Phillips 212.

If anyone is devout and a lover of God, let him enjoy this beautiful and radiant festival.  If anyone is a wise servant, let him, rejoicing, enter into the joy of his Lord.  If anyone has wearied himself in fasting, let him now receive his recompense.  If anyone has labored from the first hour, let him today receive his just reward. If anyone has come at the third hour, with thanksgiving let him keep the feast. If anyone has arrived at the sixth hour, let him have no misgivings; for he shall suffer no loss. If anyone has delayed until the ninth hour, let him draw near without hesitation. If anyone has arrived even at the eleventh hour, let him not fear on account of his delay. For the Master is gracious and receives the last, even as the first; he gives rest to him that comes at the eleventh hour, just as to him who has labored from the first. He has mercy upon the last and cares for the first; to the one he gives, and to the other he is gracious. He both honors the work and praises the intention ...  Read More

So begins the stirring Paschal homily of St John Chrysostom read in every Orthodox Church on the great Feast of Pascha (Easter). Every year it seems Great Lent comes with high hopes and expectations that somehow this one will be special, more focused and spiritually profitable than in years past.  Promises made, goals set, all seem to quickly fade into the din of daily life. 

For the non-Orthodox reader, Pascha or Easter is considered the greatest holiday or feastday of the year for the Orthodox Christian.  The 40 days prior to Pascha comprises Great Lent a preparatory period with very clearly proscribed behavioral and spiritual guidelines.  Fasting from meat, fish and dairy is a major component along with many additional church services, particularly the beautiful Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts (composed interestingly enough by Pope Gregory the Dialogist).  Abstinence from a variety of other pleasures is also the expectation. 

Orthodox view Lent very differently from Western Christians.  We see Great Lent as a time of repentance, as a ”podvig”, a spiritual struggle whereby one is gradually transformed and open to the spiritual banquet of Pascha.  Lent is by design a therapeutic regime, a well conceived plan of spiritual transformation available to all who wish to partake; it really is quite remarkable, but never easy.

The Lenten worship is...a school of repentance. It teaches us what is repentance and how to acquire the spirit of repentance. It prepares us for and leads us to the spiritual regeneration without which ‘absolution’ remains meaningless. It is, in short, both teaching about repentance and the way of repentance. And since there can be no real Christian life without repentance, without this constant ‘re-evaluation’ of life, the Lenten worship is an essential part of the liturgical tradition of the Church.”
Protopresbyter Alexander Schmemann

Like many Orthodox in America, I move in a non-Orthodox world.  None of my coworkers is Orthodox, most of my friends are not Orthodox or even religious for that matter.  Few have a clue what Lent is and most could really care less and perhaps only further confirms that I’m a bit cooky as I eat the salad while they dine on steak.  Work and social demands all continue unabated.  Keeping the Lenten fast on the go, is always a challenge.  Now I’m not making excuses or being judgmental, just stating a few facts.  All push and pull at the struggling pilgrim on his lenten journey.  Yet, no matter how meager my efforts, how many times I fail to live up to my own lenten expectations I take solice in the words of the great saint… “He has mercy upon the last and cares for the first; to the one he gives, and to the other he is gracious. He both honors the work and praises the intention” and remain mindful that next year I get another chance to do it all over again. 

Thy resurrection, O Christ Savior, the angels in heaven sing. Do thou enable us on earth to glorify thee with pure hearts.
from Paschal Matins

At The Kaypro 1986 For those of us who grew up using typewriters, even this simple machine was a huge breakthrough.  You could turn out perfect documents (well as perfect as dot matrix printers could make them!), do things like find and replace words, among many other time saving tasks impossible with a typewriter.  To make bold or italics text, you would have to insert formatting tags much like you do with html today. 
I still have floppy disks with documents I’d written on them, unfortunately I have no way to read them since Kaypro went bust in the late 80’s and I gave my KayPro to a local thrift store.

Find Out More About Kaypro Computers
Read A Review From Byte Magazine 1983
Obsolete Computer Museum
Old Computers.com they are currently working on a personal computer timeline

Ok, I’ll admit it; it has been almost a week and I’m going through basketball withdrawal.  Over the course of the last three weeks I’ve felt physically sick, euphoric, anxious, frustrated and that’s just on the way to the games.  Does this mean I’m hooked? The whirlwind ending of high school basketball culminating in the State tournament is an unforgettable experience.  There is a level of intimacy and immediacy in the confines of the basketball court that’s electrifying. You can’t help but become involved in the game when you can almost reach out and touch the players, see the sweat, hear the hard foul, hum along with timeless fight songs and cheers, and feel the excitement of the crowd in the ebb and flow of the game.  As a parent you’re helpless, there is nothing you can do but be a spectator and go along for the wild ride, one game after another.  The farther they go, the more nerve-wracking it becomes as the possibility of going all the way comes into view.  Of course, there is always plenty of opportunity to vent anxiety and frustration by second guessing the referees, coaches or players’ actions; it is all part of the experience.

Like many parents these days I’ve hauled my three children to practices, stood on muddy sidelines in horrible weather, coached the seemingly uncoachable, waited in endless ferry lines , and been to every out-of-the way field, gym ,Taco Bell and Subway in the Puget Sound region.  I have to be honest; I haven’t always been a good sport about it.  On many an occasion I found myself thinking, “Why am I doing this?”, “What are we doing here?”, or worse “why doesn’t that idiot with the big mouth shut up”.  Yet, a comment by a longtime VHS basketball fan at the end of the last game at State brought the past 20 years or so into perspective; with tears welling up in his eyes he said “It doesn’t get any better than this… this is what its all about”.

By all counts this is perhaps the best basketball team in school history.  Certainly there have been other good teams and great individual players, but collectively this is an extraordinary group of young men not simply because they were winners but because they were a TEAM.  In all my years of participating in and watching sports I have never seen a group so collectively committed to the true spirit of team play.

Watching this group in action I am reminded of the bigger picture, the part of the sports experience that is not about winning but about deeper lessons of life… no, not just life lessons for our kids, lessons for us parents as well.  Although we immerse ourselves and our families in all kinds of activities for the good of our kids there is a part of us that hopes that through our efforts they will excel, be on a winning team, maybe even be a standout, a star with a chance to earn recognition or even a scholarship.  Don’t get me wrong, winning is great, but winning is the easy part.  Putting team ahead of self, that’s the challenge.  Somehow this group got that message, took it to heart and lived it.

One of the most memorable moments in my own son’s play came in a mid-season game.  Driving full speed toward the basket on a 2-on-1 fast break, the obvious choice was to take the shot himself, yet he chose to draw out the lone defender and make a short pass to an open teammate.  A split second decision in the heat of a game, a profound reflection on who he is as a person and teammate.  Of all the other great plays he has made in the many sports he has played over the years (he has been to a State tournament 5 times in 3 sports and placed 1st twice) I’ll never forget that moment… I could not have been more proud. 

You are right Terry; it doesn’t get any better than that… that is what it is all about.

Watch a 5 minute movie with audio of still images of the tournament
WMW
Flash

On our trip over Christmas break to Tempe, AZ to watch Michael play in a B-Ball tournament I visited with a church friend, Ed (he is actually my godson) who works for America West as a pilot and administrator in their flight simulator program.  Ed gave me a tour of the facilities and we spent about a hour or so in a Boeing 737 simulator, what a blast.  It feels so real, the landing and takeoff from the cockpit is incredible.  My attempt at flying the plane was a disaster as noted above.  It is very difficult as you can imagine, thankfully Ed took the controls and got us back on the ground.  Steering on the ground is done with the feet but more precise steering required to get up to the gate is done with a small wheel located on the pilot’s left which controls the nose wheels.  The trouble is it only requires small movements to make the plane turn with the nose wheel.  I was all over the place causing me to start feeling sick from the jerky movements.  Now I know why they tell you to stay seated until the pilot turns off the seatbelt sign.  Ed reports that many pilots get sick learning to steer the plane on the ground.  I guess I’m in good company. 

The first opera of the broadcast season was Rigoletto featuring Anna Netrebko as Gilda.  Ms Netrebko is a risng star and a welcome departure from the “big soprano” we have come to associate with opera divas.  I was anxious to hear her in this role since I’d seen the opera twice at Seattle Opera and was very familiar with it.  While I was not disappointed I have to say that the Seattle production was just as good if not better in many respects.  Ms Netrebko’s singing at the end of Act 1 of Gualtier Malde...Caro nome (Real Media) was very good demonstrating she can do coloratura with the best of them.  My favorite section Ancor Ce Mezz’ora near the end of Act 3 was fair, much better in Seattle but my perception is a bit skewed since I learned the opera listening to the spectacular Sutherland, Pavarotti, Milnes, LSO, Bonynge recording.

The Met broadcast is perfect backdrop for working around the house on a Saturday morning.  You will note in the photo I’m still in my bathrobe, headphones on, busily baking prosfora.  One down, twenty one to go!